Lifestyle

Dealing With Comparison

LOCATION:  New York, New York

comparison in blogging worldcomparison in blogging world comparison in blogging worldcomparison in blogging world

This headline has been swirling around my head for years now. It’s a topic not many talk about, and instead, deal with internally. But let me tell you, it’s a serious life hack when you learn not to compare yourself to others. As I sit back on Sunday night reflecting on my fashion week thus far, I found that this somewhat taboo topic was being talked about among my peers. So many of us feel the same pings of comparison – especially in the digital age when everything is in your face. Personally, I think it’s time to start a conversation about it.

Unfortunately, comparison is not so un-common. It’s a human characteristic that plagues everyone at some point in their lives. Maybe you faced it in school, in sports, in work or with friendships. In complete transparency, fashion month tends to only amplify the feelings of comparison, self-doubt, judgement, negativity and down right FOMO – that is, if you let it.

While I know many of you are not fashion bloggers, I know a handful of you reading this are. And you don’t even have to be a fashion blogger to feel it! Simply the act of scrolling through your Instagram feed or working alongside others may be a trigger for those feelings – no matter your career.

We all know so well that fashion month is a time when many of us in the same industry are attempting to attend the same shows, snag the same major brand deals, appear in the same designer’s duds. And what’s unique about the influencer world is that all accolades are extremely public. Dealing with rejection in the face of the Instagram era is a lot more difficult that it seems. An Instagram post showing a blogger in a campaign. An Instagram story from front row of a top show. Growing numbers on platforms, all public for the world – and the rest of us in the industry. You think; Why didn’t I get the deal? Why am I third row? Why didn’t they dress me? Why aren’t my numbers moving?

I won’t lie and say that I’m prone to comparison. I’m definitely not. At times, comparison comes from a place of wanting to compete, and at times, it’s healthy to have a bit of competitive “sportsmanship” edge. But if you’re suffering from insecurities because you’re constantly comparing yourself and don’t think you have what it takes to compete with others, it’s time to reevaluate things.

I’ve worked incredibly hard to prevent comparison from suffocating me and my career. It’s something we all have to work on every time we open up Instagram – am I right?  Times like fashion month are when I have to focus internally even more. Because the truth is – if you let comparison get the best of you, you’ll never be your best self. I’m a firm believer in attracting the energy you wish to seek in this world, and energy like doubt and comparison will only amplify your shortcomings, leaving your true potential clouded.

Instead of focusing on what someone else has, create a list of everything you have. Instead of ripping your body, closet, life apart, be grateful for everything that’s you. Let go of negative thoughts you tell yourself; speak kind words, always. These practices might sound cheesy, but without a doubt, they’re what’s gotten me over the mountain of comparison. Even logging off from social media for a day when I feel it creeping in. Just because social media is a large part of our job doesn’t mean it needs to be a large part of our world. Do you; whatever that means for you individually.

Another way to help yourself get through those feelings would be to work on being genuinely happy and interested in your peers’ work. Watching the Winter Olympics Figure Skating, I’ve felt so inspired by the sportsmanship of these young women. They are on the same team but compete against each other. Yet at the end of their performance, they’re genuinely so happy and excited for each other. It’s truly touching to see that kind of love and support between two people who are undoubtedly comparing themselves to each other internally – with the same goal in mind.

The biggest bit of advice I can give is to work on being genuinely happy for your peers’ accomplishments like you would be for a best friend. In a world where women supporting women is more crucial than ever, it’s where I’m choosing to give my attention. To support myself as a woman, to give that blogger with the campaign a “like,” and a genuine congratulations. And to support and love and honor myself among everything else. Will you join me?

 

 

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57 Comments

  • This is a tough topic! Personally, being a naturally competitive person means I am always comparing myself to others so learning how to deal with that is still a work in progress.

    http://www.BlushandPearls.com

  • Fatou Diaw  • 

    This is great! thanks for sharing!
    xx
    https://www.closettostreet.com/

  • Such a great post, Jenny! Love it!

  • La Bijoux Bella | by mia  • 

    Always a beautiful look and yes this is a difficult subject to tackle, and it is beautifully written. ❤️❤️ ❤️

    ♥️LA BIJOUX BELLA♥️ | BY MIA | A Creative Lifestyle Blog

  • Brooke Webb  • 

    Thanks so much for sharing! I’ve had to remind myself that social media is NOT what makes me who I am and at the end of the day, I’m going to always focus on being the BEST person that I can be. Appreciate your tips!

    http://www.kbstyled.com

  • Angelica Laga  • 

    I can’t but totally agree with you.
    Being several years older than you, I can only tell you this: you can’t compare yourself or anyone to others. Each one of us has her own gifts. No two women can be alike. No two women can react exactly in the same way. And that is the beauty of being human. Instagram era or not.
    I tell you that I follow many of you, fashion bloggers. Each and every one of you is completely different from the others and I really like that.
    I cherish the fact that you are so “you” in every single post. I am proud of you. I really am. I admire the fact that every of your posts are so well prepared, every outfit is so unique, every look so well cared.
    Kisses
    Angelica

  • Your really helpful tips will hopefully mute that internal self comparison voice in my head, which can be so overwhelming! Thanks so much and love all your posts and look forward to reading them each week. xx

  • This is so great. You’re such a sweet kind person and it’s a great reminder in everyone’s busy life. Love xo

  • Beatrice Balaj  • 

    This is a beautiful article. A vulnerable one too. I thank you for writing this and sharing your thoughts on the industry and the truth about it.

    One thing you forgot to mention is self love. I feel like a lot of girls compare themselves to others because they are not happy with themselves OR an current position. The best advice is to have self love and seek it everyday. Then and only then can a woman be her true self. And the best self.

    Xx,
    Beatrice Balaj

  • Loved it!!! And its so true, not only on the fashion-blogging industry, i dare to say this happens in every sphere, and i also dare to say that its among us, women, that this tend to happen more, but we have to break the habit!
    Keep posting your thoughts, its a great motivation!
    Hughs from Dominican Republic.
    xoxo.
    (https://opiniondeunamujer.wordpress.com)

  • This is a huge conversation right now…especially with many of the influencers in Utah. Social media is affecting teens and tweens in a very serious and negative way. Thank you for adding your thoughts to the conversation.

  • love your mindset to support and celebrate other women! I totally agree. comparison is the thief of joy — I always remind myself to practice gratitude and be in love with my own life and progress. it helps me appreciate others more as well!

    http://heyprettything.com

  • I actually just wrote a post about this. I go back and forth with these feelings and the more my account grows, the more present they seem to become. I have to remind myself that just because I didn’t get a certain opportunity doesn’t mean I’ll never get it. Sometimes it’s not the right time or the right fit, but eventually it will be and it will mean so much more. I keep a running list of my accomplishments along with a timeline to truly remind myself how far I’ve come and how many good things do happen and it switches my negative thoughts almost instantly. We are all good enough even when we don’t feel like and this definitely helps, especially knowing that Instagram is not real life most of the time.

    Liz
    http://Www.lizzieinlace.com

  • Paula Coleman  • 

    Thank you, Jenny! Once again, you have shown wisdom beyond your years! Thank you for posting this. I believe this kind of conversation is so important to have now in this digital age. I am in the wedding industry, and I recently attended Charleston Wedding Week (similar to NYFW, only for weddings!) and talk about comparison! It was thrilling meeting the top wedding planners in the world and rubbing elbows with them, but oh so hard not to compare my life & career with these over-the-top, brilliant peers in my industry! Seeing their life on a grand scale made my life’s work seem inadequate! But, I have to remind myself how far I’ve come. About a month ago, I posted about this very thing on my Instagram, and my New Years resolutions, in 2018 to start living a more authentic life, be present in the moment, and STOP comparing myself to others! In my industry, just like fashion, it’s so easy to fall into the comparison game! Thank you for sharing…. Love your Aisle Style posts, and advice to newly engaged couples!! And, I love how authentic and transparent you are with your posts! Amen to an honest voice for a change! ❤️
    http://www.paulacoleman.com

  • Rachel Kerr  • 

    I love that you have written a post about comparison! For women it is SO difficult (as I’m sure it can be for men as well), and social media hasn’t made it any easier. I am definitely proud to back this and stand behind you in encouraging women to be themselves at all times, because we’re all different and it’s our differences that make us! Thanks for writing this. xx

  • Rayray(@rayonreel IG)  • 

    I simply love it Jenny! Right on point: We as women are more prone for comparison than men, I don’t know if it’s the way we’ve been raised or the culture always criticizing our every move , to our life choices to our bodies… I think as long as we use this comparison in our own advantage, to better and make the best versions of ourselves for our own good not to fit in an unrealistic picture/standards, then it’s constructive.
    Personally I always always think I’d like to be nice and inspire women by kindness and support, the importance of solidarity between us and how much we could all achieve by doing so.
    You go girl!

  • Loved reading this post! This is exactly what I needed, thank you!

    http://thegirlfromconnecticut.com/

  • You know with fashion week in full swing I really was feeling the comparison pang. I didn’t get all the shows I wanted, I didn’t get all the brands I wanted, I was just starting to compare myself to everyone around me and then this post came up. Thanks for pulling me up from my low Jenny. I really do think I need to focus on the things I’m doing right and have faith that when the time is right those opportunities I want will come to me, provided of course I work hard!

    x
    Shloka
    http://www.thesilksneaker.com

  • I’ve got goosebumps!
    This is so well-written. Yes, it’s a taboo, for me as a blogger who is just starting off, the anxiety pangs are even greater because I feel like it’s too late and I’ve missed the bus. But in times like these, it helps to just remind myself why I started. It’s easier said than done, but I’m a work in progress and a little progress each day, goes a long way! 🙂

    Love,
    Nikki
    http://www.runwaytoroaod.com

  • My last blog post was on a similar topic, only more related with the lack of genuine conversation on social media, much like this one. Comparison is something we cannot escape from, but I’m learning to let go. I started with letting go of the Instagram aesthetic that was one of the things that caused me grief. Somehow we all lost ourselves in the social media numbers game, and started ascribing self worth according to numbers and, as you mentioned, brand deals. But, honestly, I tend to do best when I am calm and in my zone, so I decided to fight FOMO with a resolution to work hard, but also to reward myself when I achieve even small things. Thank you for this article. It’s really nice to see sincerity on social media. ^^

    http://www.dilekaspires.com

    • ooo I can’t wait to read yours! it sounds really interesting and I SO agree with your thoughts on a need for more genunine conversation. glad we can be two of the people starting it! x

  • Paige Honegger  • 

    Jenny this is exactly what I needed! I am just starting a blog and I am a college student so I don’t always have time to post as much as I would like. I see other bloggers often and compare my work to there’s or the amount they post and feel let down. Reading this reminded me to stick to my goals and I will get there.
    aclassicgirl.com

  • I’m loving everything about this post. Comparison is tough and it’s so hard to ignore.

    http://www.stylebysamantha.com

  • Lissa Kahayon  • 

    Love this so much Jenny. This is exactly what I need at this moment. I’ve been a silent reader for a long time now. Hope you can come to the Philippines. 🙂

  • Nice outfit.Thanks for great post and pics.
    Happy valentine, dear!

    Xoxo,
    Rosie | 2018 Most Wanted Chic Glasses

  • Libier Reynolds  • 

    Wow. Wow. Wow. This was amazing. Thank you so much for your amazing attitude and willingness to talk about such important topics. I love championing other women (especially in our field) I believe in abundance and there is quite enough for everyone who is willing to dream, work and be diligent. I really love your heart and your influence. I feel honored to be in this business with you and I truly wish you an amazing year. You have always been a HUGE inspiration. I’m praying for you and all that you and your husband are doing this year!! May God bless you abundantly.

  • Claire Danicich  • 

    My school just started our own fashion collective club [(@usdfashioncollective), also was appointed the VP Marketing position and am STOKED], and I was hoping for any advice on growing the page plus any creative ideas you have brewing. We are a new club but are trying to get our name out there so any advice would help!! If you/anyone would mind giving a look at the page/my Instagram(@clairedanicich) that would mean the world to me. Much love. xoxo, Claire Danicich

    • CONGRATS, that sounds so fab!!! I have a few blogging articles on the site, so just search for those and I’ll do my best to check out your site soon babe! I’m planning on more Instagram-related posts as well, so stay tuned. xx